oil consumption

[alpslapper]

Your great you are

I just thought of a new sub-forum:

Ask the Expert - hosted by Lord Vader

Can you imagine it:


Dear Vader,

my bike seems to be running a bit rough. What should I check first??

Dear Biker

Check out the deals on second hand BMW's at your local stockists.


Dear Vader,

I need to check my valve clearences on a 1997 xrv750 - what is the normal tolerances for this engine.

Dear Biker

Valves are seriously over rated. Even radios stopped using them 50 years ago. Don't worry about it.



Dear Vader

I snapped my key in the barrel last night. Any suggestions.

Dear Biker

Yes.

Stop carrying barrels on your bike. They are dangerous and hard to secure. I'm sending you the new BMW accessory book - have a look at those touratch panniers - they'll see you right in future.

[StumpyFingers]

The above post should be in the JOKES section.

[Lord Vader]

The above post should be in the JOKES section.

Why

[alpslapper]

Why

You crack me up

[phil w]

More more Dear Vaders

[Maverick]

That was great thanks for a good laugh

My bike used about 150ml of oil on 1942 miles in total. Best consumption was yesterday coming through Dartmoor National Park @ 62 mpg

Not bad for a 1200 beast

[Raven]

Dear Vader

I snapped my key in the barrel last night. Any suggestions.

Dear Biker

Yes.

Stop carrying barrels on your bike. They are dangerous and hard to secure. I'm sending you the new BMW accessory book - have a look at those touratch panniers - they'll see you right in future.

You owe me a new keyboard!!!

[Lord Vader]

I dont get it,what's so funny

[Lutin]

I just thought of a new sub-forum:

Ask the Expert - hosted by Lord Vader

Can you imagine it:


Dear Vader,

my bike seems to be running a bit rough. What should I check first??

Dear Biker

Check out the deals on second hand BMW's at your local stockists.


Dear Vader,

I need to check my valve clearences on a 1997 xrv750 - what is the normal tolerances for this engine.

Dear Biker

Valves are seriously over rated. Even radios stopped using them 50 years ago. Don't worry about it.



Dear Vader

I snapped my key in the barrel last night. Any suggestions.

Dear Biker

Yes.

Stop carrying barrels on your bike. They are dangerous and hard to secure. I'm sending you the new BMW accessory book - have a look at those touratch panniers - they'll see you right in future.

Priceless, absolutely priceless!!

[Maverick]

Vader realised after giving support calls to various fellow XRV members that he certainly has the gift of actually fixing problems with motorcycles and promptly opened up his own little garage in Basildon. After week one he sat back and read some of the amazing feedback he stuck on customers service cards and basked in the glory of how lucky they were finding him……..


Request - Rear tire almost needs replacement.
Action taken - Almost replaced rear tire.

Request - Something loose on cockpit.
Action taken – Something tightened on cockpit.

Request - Dead bugs on windshield.
Action taken – Live bugs on back-order.

Request - Evidence of leak on oil sump plug.
Action taken – Evidence removed.

Request - Exhaust volume unbelievably loud.
Action taken – Exhaust repacked so that volume is a more believable level.

Request - Suspected crack in fairing.
Action taken – Suspect you're right.

Request - Motorcycle handles funny.
Action taken – Motorcycle warned to straighten up, ride upright, and be serious.

Request - Autocom hums.
Action taken – Reprogrammed Autocom with lyrics.

Request - Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Action taken – Took hammer away from midget