Honda XRV Forum banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 3 of 3 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
348 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
While playing the role of a Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot outs. When the director explained that he can't do that, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: The Light Side, The Dark Side, and Chuck Norris.

Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Cubic Norrisi.

God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for a +500 gain to roundhouse ability.

Chuck Norris is the only male to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.

Every time Chuck Norris does a roundhouse kick, an angel gets its wings.

Chuck Norris can ejaculate through solid steel.

The letters in Chuck Norris' name can be rearranged to spell "Doom" in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever capable of telling if an aircraft landed in soil by tasting it.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Ever.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

If Chuck Norris had a dollar and you had a dollar, Chuck would kick your ass and take your dollar.

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris volunteers at retirement homes just so he can push old people in wheelchairs onto the freeway.

Chuck Norris' tears would cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the Chuck giveth, and the Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, for his pleasure.

Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
 

·
whys the rum always gone?
Joined
·
17,680 Posts
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol
but he aint no clint eastwood :lol:
 
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top