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Discussion Starter #1
I am expecting London Bubble to jump headfirst into this post.

My Mother has just telephoned me with some interesting news. I was divorced in 2003. The Judge ordered that my ex wife could keep the house a 5 Bedroom detached house with no mortgage valued at £320,000 then, she could keep our business unit valued at £75,000 also with no mortgage, £50,000 of Endowment policies, her Mazda MX5 Sportscar and all the house contents.

I could keep my new very small 3 Bedroom house, which was worth £110,000 with a £60,000 mortgage. He also awarded me all costs mine were £9,000 and hers were £45,000. so i effectively walked away with

NEGATIVE £4000

When i met her she was living in a rented flat on benefits, and i had bought my first house and had already paid of my mortgage i was 23 years old. Its called bloody hard work. She never worked in the next 16 years up to our divorce apart from 1 year at IBM as a secretary.

She sold the business Unit last year for £150,000 and my Mother has just told me that she has sold the house for £675,000.

So by may calculations she has had £675,000 + £150,000 + £50,000 from this divorce or £875,000

How can this possibly be fair? I had -£4000 !!!!! My advice to any young men thinking of getting married

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. It is the worlds greatest rip off, No benefits for a man whatsoever and plenty of downside.

Or if you are going to do it protect yourself completely. I now have an offshore company which holds my few remaining assetts, and those i will get in the future from yet more hard work. I am not going to let any gold digging women and there are plenty of them out there, rip me off again.

I am really pissed about this, 25 years of hard work completely down the drain, Over to you London Bubble
 

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THat's really tough Shep and I can see why you advise against getting married, although as a woman I can see a few benefits.:D

I wonder how it would work if it was the other way around, would you have been given the same as her if your roles but not sex reversed. SOmehow I doubt it
 

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Huh?
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That IS tough, but on the other hand I know a couple who have been married for 67 (yes...sixty seven!) years and are as content and as happy as any couple I know.

Except when he drives :D :)

Divorce sucks, in so many different ways. I've only ever seen what it does to a couple and really don't want to go down that road one bit!!

-Simon
 

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Wing Commander
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Le Mans Trip - UPDATE

Boys and Girls

I am going to apologise profusely but i am not able to make this event this year, but i have a very good reason.

On Saturday 21st April at 3pm i get married at Guildford Registry Office to Anna my long time girlfriend. When i put this trip up i knew i was going to get married, what i did not know was that 3pm on the 21 st April was he only decent available date !!!!!
White man speak with forked tongue:D
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Mabel

Thanks very much for those words, i genuingly appreciated that. I am certainly not a greedy or grasping person, all i wanted was some fairness.

I said to the judge, that she could keep it all until our youngest daughter left home, then we could sell it and split the money, NO

The worse bit is that i have not seen my 2 children Jack and Grace for 5 years now. Forget the money that hurts far more.

Anna is Ukranian in there country if you get married, you both have to register your assetts and debts before the marriage with the Notaire. If you then get divorced, each party keep all the assets they brought into the marriage and any others that have been acquired while married are split exactly 50/50. It seems such a good system and in practice works very well becuase it is fair.

I thought it was the same here, my lawyer told me that a man with children would be very lucky to get 20%. It does not matter what you brought to the marriage, or who ended the marriage for whatever reason. I see a lot of male friends with plenty of assetts and think that just one little problem with the wife and they would lose the lot, most Men do not realise how little they actually have until it is too late. It also gives women a huge incentive to Divorce, When you divorce there is the Petitioner who starts the divorce and the Respondant. The Petitoners last year for Divorce were 84% women, Coincedence?

It is not a fair or reasonable contract at present, which in my opinion is a real pity.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Whealie not at all. I have lived with Anna for 4 years. I have told her straight that if she is a Gold Digger she will get nothing primarily becuase i have very little now in relation to the old days, and secondly everything is structured offshore, and will continue to be in the future. That was my advice in the first post, if you are going to get married protect yourself.

Becuase she is Ukranian, we need a visa to live together, that can only be achieved through marriage. I am not happy about this at all, Anna has proven to me through actions not words that she is a great women and i very much want to keep our relationship going but the only way we can do that the way the visa law is structured at present is marriage. However if it was my free choice i would prefer not to be married to anyone, becuase the present marriage contract is a farce for any man.

Any man who does not believe me as regards this, try a divorce and see how you get on
 

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Shep I really feel for you, and I am all for equality but a firm believer that it goes both ways, yes I like having the door opened for me but will also hold the door open for others reguardless of what sex they are. When Caitlin was born Jason and myself were not married, we went to register her and the registar asked me if I was sure I wanted her in his family name because it may give him more parental rights - duh, he has equal parental rights he is her father.

More often than not the women will always come out better off, so I must be the unluckiest person in the country, when my first husband left ( or was that encouraged to leave ) he walked away with far more than me and that was with no children he left me with £10,000 debt and a negative equity on my house then refused to pay anything towards getting divorced 6 years later knowing that I wanted to marry again and couldn't without it. For over 10 years I recieved bailiffs and final demands for debts that he was running up. :rolleyes:
 

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Shep I really feel for you, and I am all for equality but a firm believer that it goes both ways, yes I like having the door opened for me but will also hold the door open for others reguardless of what sex they are. When Caitlin was born Jason and myself were not married, we went to register her and the registar asked me if I was sure I wanted her in his family name because it may give him more parental rights - duh, he has equal parental rights he is her father.

More often than not the women will always come out better off, so I must be the unluckiest person in the country, when my first husband left ( or was that encouraged to leave ) he walked away with far more than me and that was with no children he left me with £10,000 debt and a negative equity on my house then refused to pay anything towards getting divorced 6 years later knowing that I wanted to marry again and couldn't without it. For over 10 years I recieved bailiffs and final demands for debts that he was running up. :rolleyes:
Hussy!!;)

So sad to hear about the iniquity of divorce, it staggers me that a couple who have been close enough to be married can become so seperate and I have nothing but sympathy for the people involved. It must be [email protected]

-Simon
 

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my heart goes out to you Shep, you really are a trier and sounds like your still going strong and getting stronger, i was married at 19 and divorced at 20 we had nothing to fight over appart from my two girls what i was stopped from seeing (the shitty woman she is) but they do get older and decide for themselves they want to see there dad, your day will come mate mine did and now i have two lovely grandchildren to.
 

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whys the rum always gone?
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yup it suck been there done that ... cant get access to my baby girl (well she's 8 now but ive seen so little of her that i still think of here as my baby girl)

the cash side of it is bad but nothing compared to how they can tear you up by using you kids against you..... now that really sucks lucky my wife now is able to pour oil over troubled water and we have a loverly little girl together..... she has a girl from a previous as well but is very good with how she treats her ex and hes a complete ****... so its not always the woman just more often than not:rolleyes:
 

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Mines a big red one
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I'm sorry mate it's totally unfair. I've also seen it from the other side, see Mabel's post and sometimes it goes both ways. I was lucky my divorce was relatively problem free and I've still got the house:D Bloody cost me though:angry1:
I will say that anybody who uses children as a weapon in these circumstances is despicable.












PS We all told Mabel he was a total [email protected]
 

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PS We all told Mabel he was a total [email protected]

hmmm now let me think mommy and daddy say to hormonal barely 20 year old girl he's a bad man don't marry him


red rag to bull :D :D

ah well we all learn from our mistakes and I have eventually married the bloke that mommy and daddy tried to set me up with when I was 19 now so alls well that ends well :rolleyes:
 

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whys the rum always gone?
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hmmm now let me think mommy and daddy say to hormonal barely 20 year old girl he's a bad man don't marry him


red rag to bull :D :D

ah well we all learn from our mistakes and I have eventually married the bloke that mommy and daddy tried to set me up with when I was 19 now so alls well that ends well :rolleyes:
:D :cool: :cool: :cool: :D
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Chad

I agree with you 100%, forget the money it is not seeing the kids that really hurts. Why do that to anyone?

Mabel i was sorry to hear about your bad experience, you are completely right it can run both ways.

Why is Divorce and broken families so prevalent these days, what has created this fact? Britain seems to be land of Divorce, Broken families, debt, theft and anti social behavior

Is this progress?
 

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Sir FallofaLott
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Shep Im really sorry about your situation but forgive me - its in the past isnt it? Let it go. Why are you torturing yourself working out what your ex's worth now, what she sold stuff for etc etc - she got it four years ago, youve moved on and are now with the woman youre going to marry - let it be.

Im happily married now but have had a signifcant relationship ( we didnt marry rather lived together) in the past where the young lady concerned profited exceedingly well from the split up and is still benefiting today: I never give it a thought and wouldnt have except its pertenent to the post. I never think of her or how she stitched me up, cleaned me out, and left me with massive debts it took me 10 years to clear. In fact, if it does come up, like now, I have a smile on my face. Why? Because the split up allowed me to meet the woman of my dreams :D

I met my wife 14 years ago. Sure we've had ups and downs but its been the best 14 years of my life. We have 2 adorable daughters. Weve just celebrated their 10th and 7th year.

I look forward to the next 40 years with glee - the thrills the spills and god help us - the teenage years just around the corner :D .

Live for now and enjoy and be thankful for what you have and look to the future - not the past and what you lost.
 
S

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Bad luck Shep, but Alpslapper's right. Let it go matey. Had all this stuff myself and it hurts like buggery, infact I'm still paying off a divorce debt loan 12 years on!
As for the kids angle, I can offer a ray of hope. My ex was an evil bitch when it came to the kids, not least as my daughter is severly mentally handicapped. She accused me of being a drug addict to prevent me access along with telling the kids I would see them when she knew I wasn't, then getting them to say how sad they were because I didn't turn up to me on my phone. But 12 years on and the eldest boy, now 17, has looked me up:) It's early days, but he will hear my side and discover I'm not as bad as I've been painted. My point is, 'the truth will out' and at the end of the day your kids will get to know the real you. The problem for me now is how to explain the past without destroying his opinion of his mother?? No good having your moment if you cause more damage an hurt to the kids.
Heyho.
 

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May be the key is to own nothing. I got divorced after 6 years of mostly happy marriage. Came in with nothing, left with nothing. No muss, no fuss, fees cost less than our farewell meal together.
 

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I’ve been through it too... Lost the most valuable thing that ever came into my life... my little boy.... (hurt to type that) :

All I manage to keep hold of was my dignity and sense of humour .....
only thing I gained out of it was experience....
I don’t care about money or possessions.... never have never will do...

Just hope to meet a man one day that will call me Dad....
 

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whys the rum always gone?
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I’ve been through it too... Lost the most valuable thing that ever came into my life... my little boy.... (hurt to type that) :

All I manage to keep hold of was my dignity and sense of humour .....
only thing I gained out of it was experience....
I don’t care about money or possessions.... never have never will do...

Just hope to meet a man one day that will call me Dad....
aye it hurts like hell mate:sad: funny thing is my mum did that to my dad and i found him and worked it out:) we're like best pals now:cool:


but what happened to him is now happening to meangry9: but ive learned to bide my time like my dad did;)
 
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